wondering what to do...

So....I have a very close friend who has a problem.

He's in the process of losing everything of value in his life - and is standing on a certain personal precipice. His family is falling apart and he's in such a personal twister that he doesn't see (or care about) what's coming.

Despite the efforts of many to intervene on his (and his family's) behalf - he is still unable to manage his focus enough to keep things together. Since his wife and child left, things have only gotten worse. Old habits and non-communication patterns have reemerged, and the friend I once knew seems greatly diminished. Unemployed and unable to act, this is a man that needs help very quickly.

So what to do?

Many I've talked with have said that problems like his are chronic. The person who has these issues must want to recover and work hard to do so.

What if he doesn't commit?

Do you wait around and watch the train wreck...and do your best to clean up afterwards? How far to you go to help someone, before they are compelled to help themselves?

Am I my brother's keeper?

Ruminations on 38...

It's late now...and I'm feeling like I should either hit the sack - or watch a movie. If I watch a movie, I'll wake up at 2am to the repeating DVD menu soundtrack, awkwardly listing on the couch, a few pillows propping me up - with my cat's ass firmly nested on my head.

This is the sublime birthday present of pre-middleagedness.

I don't feel old...at least most of the time. In my 38 years, I've come to accept certain things. Gravity, for one, will always get you down. I could say that that I feel more centered, more balanced...and that might make it easier to stomach, but in the end, I fear gravity is the enemy. I sense this most keenly when I see Greer leap from the top rung of the playground play structure. My knees wince knowingly. Thankfully, the boy is made of rubber and Kevlar...at least for now.

My memory seems to be going as well. When I was younger, I used to try and remember everything I had done during the day while I was lying in bed....using my mind's eye to backtrack and trace the significance the day. Now...I am pretty much happy to flush it all and start fresh in the morning. Not to say that one day is the same as the next, but after a few days in the office cube, the week does tend to streamline.

Spent my 38th b-day on the job - trying to work through some new responsibilities. Should have been doing something less job-like.

I had plans to head south to Los Angeles this weekend to attend a the premiere of a documentary I had a hand in, but the fates conspired against me...and so, I'll be staying home instead. Probably for the best....save some money.....although you'd have a hard time convincing me of it - at least until this weekend is over. The documentary I speak of is about the legacy of JAWS - one of my all-time favorite films. I contributed some vintage news footage that snagged me a film archivist credit - therefore cementing me deep in the background of something greater. At least in my mind....

Ah well...

One bright spot for the birthday boy. After taking Greer to aikido practice, I came home to a yummy dinner and presents. My very own pair of blueberry bushes and an outdoor firepit for use during the summer. Oh yeah...and a pair of bearfoot slippers are on the way as well.

Such are the tender trappings of 38 years.

Greermonster art

Some new and cool artwork from the Greermonster.

I'm not exactly sure what this one is, but the curls and sculpture-like construct made it impossible not to photograph.

Now...if I could only get him to do that on paper.

Facebook killed my Blog

Ok...I told myself I wouldn't do it. I already had too much going on to add yet another item to the fray. I held off responding to friendly invitations, and resisted the advances of yet another potential commitment.

Then my old high school friend Lauren Henry invited me to check out Facebook. Damn her eyes! After I took the plunge and set up a page for myself; the friends, old acquaintances and myriad lost work pals came streaming back into my life - or at least my contact list.

All at the expense of this blog.

While I was FB'ing my latest...grumpyvoices.com looked on morosely - bearing the sad news of Schatzi's demise for more than four months before I decided to freshen things up.

Oh...the shame.

In that time, a great deal has happened.

* Christmas came and went - as did the epic snowfall.
* I had a great turnout for my MLK tribute at the Clinton Street Theater.
* Celebrated Obama's inauguration with 250 screaming liberals at the CST - on the big screen!
* Saw a bunch of operas - and a few Blazer games with my Mom.
* Watched in the Rose Garden as Brandon Roy racked up 52 on Phoenix - and scored a game-winner against New York.
* Helped break up a fight at a party for James Westby's new film "Rid of Me".
* Got my contract with Regence renewed until December 2009...whoo-hoo!
* Saw "Wicked" at the Keller...a truly enjoyable Broadway experience.
* Watched Greer win his first competitive award for Aikido...still wondering how that happened.
* Won a tidy sum playing the Oregon Lottery...
* Commemorated what would have been the third birthday of Elle and Quinn - by spending the day with Alexis and Greer at the Oregon Garden.

Suffice it to say, it has not been boring these past few months. Hopefully, I'll find the urge to return to my writing again...since Facebook only slightly satisfies in that department.

I'm crossing my fingers.

Snow!

The year that Greer was born, there were rumblings of snow. As we nested inside the recovery room at Sunnyside KP, the skies fell and blanketed the area with a fine white coat. Thankfully, there was a break in the weather, and we were able to amble home - just before the next wave buried the area in an Antarctic jumble of ice and snow drifts.

Five years later, almost to the date - the big weather has returned. As we placed a plant on top of Schatzi's final resting place, the fat snowflakes began to fall...a harbinger of things to come. For over a week, winter held court in Portland - dumping almost two feet on our home. In true Portland fashion, a little rain fell inbetween snow flurries, turning the whole mess into a skating rink. Streets were sheets of ice and chains were required - just in time for the Christmas rush.

Alex, Greer and I hibernated...much as we did in 2003. Laptops dialed into the office, meetings were held at home, and the afternoons were punctuated with occasional outside visits for a snowball fight with the boy. As Christmas Eve - and our semi-annual family dinner loomed, the subject of the holiday roast came to the fore. The meat was loitering at Safeway, a few miles away across the frozen wasteland.

It was time to shovel the drive.

Wrapped in my green parka and sporting my all-weather boots, I grabbed a shovel and began to dig out. First a layer of powdered snow...then ice....then snow...then another wicked ice coating. The VW was entombed - so much so that it took 15 steaming pots of water to unthaw it enough for me to break apart the ice with a shovel (not good for the paint job BTW). Greer assisted for about 10 minutes, then retreated - as I continued to dig a path to the road. Alexis would peek between the blinds occasionally, to make sure I hadn't expired next to the rose bushes. By far the best workout of the year...or the closest I've been to a heart attack at least.

After high lining the car on an Antarctic snow berm that separated my driveway from the road, I managed to rescue the holiday roast from Safeway. I felt the hunter/gatherer gene surge within, and carefully navigated home - past legions of snowbound vehicles - the car brimming with all manner of sustenance.

An Angel Gets His Wings...

"By associating with the cat, one only risks becoming richer." - Colette

It's been a while since I had a pet pass away.

When I was growing up, we a had a grey tabby named Keylo (I named her, of course) - who followed me around - slept in my bed and was my confidant / furry best friend.

My mom had birds - and I had a cat.

Keylo lived a long life - 17 years years thereabouts....and finally had to be put to sleep after becoming sick and incontinent. My parents had to do the deed - and decided to spare me the heartache by having her euthanized while I was on a church skiing trip. My parents cried in the car after leaving the vet's office.

I mourned that cat for a while. Even though she became distant and crabby near the end, she would always be the one who hid under my covers and purred. The one I had grown up with.

Today, I am my parents.

After 14 years of life, our oldest cat Schatzi had become sick with a tumor on his thyroid. We did what we could to keep him happy and comfortable, but in less than a year he had dropped to only 4 pounds - and had begun to throw up blood this past week.

We made a last ditch effort with the vet to hydrate, medicate and feed him - but he had lost interest in food and was noticeably uncomfortable and sad. The final decision was made this morning - after we found more blood - and came to terms with the fact that he was suffering needlessly.

As Alexis called the vet to make arrangements, we stood together and wept.

Schatzi was the "male of the house" before I made scene - and over time, he had become the "old man" with whom we snuggled, scratched and shared our lives with. When Alexis adopted him from the humane society, he had been hit by a car. The vet who attended to him after the accident couldn't bear to put him down, and put pins his broken back legs pro bono. After Alex picked him up, the vet did all of the post-adoption follow-up work for free. He was blessed from a young age to be surrounded by cat lovers - and eventually found additional affection from me and his adopted cat sister - Pogue.

Before we left for the vet, we all said goodbye. Greer wondered why he was only going to have one cat - and why Schatzi was dying. He touched the old man's head and ears - and gave him one last scratch. Pogue ambled up and sat next to him, somewhat anxious - and wondering if she could get in on the love. I took pictures - and tried to capture this family moment, like I have in the past. Wanting to remember.

I took Greer to school, gave him a hug and then met Alexis at the vet. It was cold, and the roads were covered with melting ice and snow from a week's worth of winter weather.

In the end, it was a quick and peaceful - if deeply saddening moment. The nurse had Alex sign the necessary paperwork and settle the bill, while Schatzi was given a catheter in his front leg. We cried and kissed him goodbye one last time - and then the doctor administered an overdose of anesthetic. The effect was almost immediate. Within moments, he lay down on his side and quietly expired. It was over within a minute.

Outside, snow began to fall in large flakes. Angelic and white.

He was many things to us.

He was the nurse cat when we were sick or sad - and had a loud, purr inside of him.

Once he found his place on you, he was an excellent sleeping or nesting companion.

He was cordial and communicative - and able to "converse" in his own cat language with anyone willing to engage him.

He loved to be pushed to the floor and given a hardy belly scratch. A good push-spin on a linoleum floor was also gladly accepted.

He loved ribbons, wrapping paper and climbed into any open box - especially at Christmas.

He had a beard fetish - and would groom me until I could not longer bear it.

He was Schatzi - our bright-eyed treasure.

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A good friend of mine died today,
I stood at his side - and cried - as he faded away.

A noble beast of apple face

White fur, velvet paws

He lay still - in a quiet grace.

Dear Schatzi, we knew and loved you so,

but we know you're at rest - so we let you go.